A new day.

                                      “Weep not for roads untraveled.
                                         Weep not for sights unseen.”
 
  Why would you cry for a road that you never traveled? For a path left lone? Is it because you saw a bright light on that road? An illusion of a starlight? So you thought  that it’s the right way but when you got closer it faded away. Disappeared completely. All your hopes and expectations died in a few seconds. So you are standing there speechless, with no direction. Wondering why. All you have to do is remember that you only walk one road at a time so if you can’t walk one you’ll go to another. That’s all I have to do.
I didn’t ask for the life I was given but I have no choice other than face it and do my best with it. Yeah it has been a bitch a lot of times, I’ve been treated like shit, rejected, thrown away like garbage but bitching about it won’t change anything. You’ve been hurt Chilly? You see this road came to an unexpected end? Again? So what? Go cry to yo mama if you think that’s gonna help. It’s simple. Keep walking. Left all the mess behind. Was it a mistake? It wasn’t? Doesn’t matter. Put yourself together, regain what you’ve lost during this period and keep walking. Where? You lost your sense of direction? Well, don’t walk the same paths again, don’t make the same mistakes because you’ll end up walking in circles. Try new ones. Without losing your sense of purpose. Whatever happens, happens.
Every goodbye hurts. Especially the ones that you wish you never said, for people you care even if they don’t, but sometimes it’s the only choice they give you. Was it dream? At least I got my conscious clear. My intentions never changed neither my behavior and I’m not lost. You’ll never know what I became because of you.
A new day is coming and I got to keep myself together. Yeah a lot of crap is coming to me but I should have got used to it already. No more tears, no more fights, no more sacrifices for people not worthing it.
DO. NOT. LOSE. YOURSELF. FOR. ANYONE.

Same old story.

You said you wanted to dissappear. To start again. To free yourself. And here you are again, locked inside a room with the same old fears. The same old story that you are familiar with. Writing songs you will never sing, poems you will never read, thoughts you will never share.

You were all alone, searching for something that you couldn’t find. Do you even know what are you looking for? Then what are you searching for? Do you know her? Have you met her? Will you meet her? Will you see her? Will you reach her? Will you keep her? You’ll know it when you find it huh? But you doubt everything, you’re never sure of something. You will always search for perfection even if you know that it’s something you’ll never find. Poor little boy. Your only gift is a curse. Your walls are too high and when let your guard down you end in the category of retarded and broken hearted. Can’t you see that you always bleed the same? But you’re still dumb thinking “maybe this time..”. Well, I’m curious about how many times you’re gonna say it till you realize that it always ends the same. Every fucking time the ending is the same.

Here we are…

So,  here we are. 17 days in Cebu have passed by so fast. I still haven’t realized completely that I’m here, that I left home. It all seems so unreal. One day you’re with your family in your home then the next day you are not.
It’s beautiful. Some people would say it’s also scary but I’m not feeling scared. I only was kinda afraid when I was in the bus after I said the last goodbyes to my family. I was wondering “Okay, now what?”. But this feeling faded away as the time had been passing.
I’m not saying that it’s easy and I’m totally “happy”. There were and still are some hard moments adjusting to the new “independent” life. I think they call it homesickness. Laying on the bed of your apartment all alone starring at your reflection on the glass of the door in front of you thinking “Hello mister, you’re on your own now”. I’ve spent the most time of my life in my room alone so I thought I won’t be influenced by that. But this was different. At that moment is probably when you realize that a new chapter in your life has began and you are on your own.
But right now I freaking love this moment. It’s 1 am and I’m sitting alone in the middle of the grass field listening to music. I haven’t had that much time to relax since I came here. Duties, shopping, meetings etc. But now, this moment is all I needed. Just some time with myself somewhere outside.

P.S. This is not a “advertising” blog so I never describe cities and not planning to do now. It’s all about feelings, thoughts and emotions.