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Posts Tagged ‘family’

Here we are…

So,  here we are. 17 days in Cebu have passed by so fast. I still haven’t realized completely that I’m here, that I left home. It all seems so unreal. One day you’re with your family in your home then the next day you are not.
It’s beautiful. Some people would say it’s also scary but I’m not feeling scared. I only was kinda afraid when I was in the bus after I said the last goodbyes to my family. I was wondering “Okay, now what?”. But this feeling faded away as the time had been passing.
I’m not saying that it’s easy and I’m totally “happy”. There were and still are some hard moments adjusting to the new “independent” life. I think they call it homesickness. Laying on the bed of your apartment all alone starring at your reflection on the glass of the door in front of you thinking “Hello mister, you’re on your own now”. I’ve spent the most time of my life in my room alone so I thought I won’t be influenced by that. But this was different. At that moment is probably when you realize that a new chapter in your life has began and you are on your own.
But right now I freaking love this moment. It’s 1 am and I’m sitting alone in the middle of the grass field listening to music. I haven’t had that much time to relax since I came here. Duties, shopping, meetings etc. But now, this moment is all I needed. Just some time with myself somewhere outside.

P.S. This is not a “advertising” blog so I never describe cities and not planning to do now. It’s all about feelings, thoughts and emotions.

Categories: alone, Cebu, My Life Tags: , , , , , , ,

LifeandDeath

April 28, 2013 4 comments

I wake up. A woman is holding me. We’re somewhere outside. This place is full of people. But I can’t see their faces. Everything is blurry. Period.

It’s a sunny day. Teacher asked me what I’m going to be when I grow up. I start daydreaming. “An astronaut…a singer…an athlete…”. 

I’m outside. Kids are running, playing, having fun. I’m just standing alone watching them. She saw me. She was sad. She came to me and told me with her caring voice “Why don’t you go to play with the kids?”. I didn’t say anything, just kept looking down until she left.

It’s morning. The phone is ringing. She picks it up. She starts crying. I come closer. “He’s gone” she said. I’ve never had the chance to meet him.

We are eating. She says “In years from now, when we will have our own families, we will still remember this moment. When we were young and we were eating together alone.”. We don’t live together anymore.

She comes close to me, hugs me and looks into my eyes. Her eyes were wet. “You grew up son” she said.

I’m 18. Now, I have to choose a path to follow. I don’t know which one is right. I don’t even believe in right and wrong. I manage to schedule my life, making dreams and setting goals based on what I really like to do. I pressure myself saying that this is the right time to achieve my dreams and goals. Life seems to be too short…

I’m doing what I wanted to do at this age. Traveling, meeting people, saying goodbyes. That’s what I wanted but now I’m getting sick of it. Sick of all theses goodbyes. All these people I will never see again. I don’t want to be a lonely traveler anymore. I want someone to be with me.

Hey You. Have I found you? Take my hand and we won’t be strangers again…

Yes I have found you…

I hear the alarm clock ringing. I’m going to check the calendar. 18th July 2036. It’s my birthday today. 42 years in this world already. I can start counting backwards now, I guess…

My body starts to betray me as my bones get heavier and heavier everyday. I’m becoming old. Most of the people I knew are gone. Memories is the only thing I have now. Memories of all the things I had done when I was that young boy. I still look in the mirror sometimes and see him behind this aged face. Memories and pain.

I wake up. I’m in the hospital. Lying on a bed. You and our family is here. You are all crying but I’m not. I’m smiling. I know the time has come. My journey in this world is about to come to an end. My life flashes before my eyes. All the people I’ve met, all the love stories, all the funny moments, all the mistakes I’ve made. But I regret nothing. I’m not a hero nor a saint. I did not ask for the life I was given but I did my best with it. Now, as my time is running out, I just want to look into your eyes, to remind me what beauty is as I’m fading from consciousness…